Listening is Loving

Listening involves complex affective, cognitive, and behavioural processes - it can be difficult to do especially in moments when our inner and outer worlds are noisy. Listening is especially important when things are difficult to listen to — 2020 is begging us to upgrade our listening both interpersonally and systemically.

Will you do so?

I’ve had many people tell me that they are in pain, depressed, fearful, anxious and even suicidal. I’ve had people share with me about family members and loved ones who are in serious trouble. I get told matters of the heart, the sorrow, loss and grief. I’ve heard more trauma stories than I can count. I also hear the celebration, the beauty, happiness, success and joy. After they have finished telling me their stories, people often say I helped them. But honestly, 99% of the time, all I did was really listen and love them.

While listening may be typically referred to or considered an art, it’s actually a tangible skill that can be cultivated and learned. A devotional practice. When you practice ‘Active listening’, you are fully concentrating on what is being said, felt and observed by offering your precious presence. You listen with all of your senses, your whole body. You give your full attention to the person speaking with the goal to connect and validate (psst. this is different than agreement!) vs divide, shame or disconnect. It serves the purpose of earning the trust of others and helps you to understand their situations and spirit.

How well you REALLY listen has a major impact on your on the quality of your relationships with yourself, others and the world around you. It’s not enough for us to purely take in the sounds, we must embody listening and hearing if we truly aim to foster harmony and loving kindness on our planet. We do not rehearse what we are going to say next. We do not formulate “the perfect answer” in our minds. We do not worry about giving a “less-than-perfect” response. We simply become a container for receiving the words of another person. We are receptive and open. We allow and create space in a world that is dominated by the energy of doing, achievement, and accomplishment. Listening is considered a “soft skill.” I think it is one of the most ‘real’ skills. There are a million trainings and workshops you can take on how to become a better speaker — how to persuade others using words, and thus to have power over them — but far fewer on how to become a better listener which is why I’ll share the following ‘tips’.

Active listening comprises both a desire to comprehend as well as to offer support and empathy. It requires a few key ingredients (ps I teach this in preschool soooo we all can do it if we choose to try!)

Pay Attention — Take notice + interest. Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the importance of their message.

Show that you are listening — Use your own body language and gestures to show that you are engaged (nod, smile, open posture, put down your phone) offer brief verbal cues such as uh huh, I see, I understand etc.

Provide feedback — Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect on what is being said and to ask questions or purely acknowledge that you have heard what the speaker has shared. You can do this by saying so, summarising, repeating back what was said or expressing gratitude.

Defer judgement — Stay patient + curious. Interrupting is a waste of time as it frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message. Remember that often our judgements are internal and unspoken so be sure to check yourself and remain neutral.

Respond not React— Active listening is designed to encourage respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. Simply being with another. You add nothing by attacking the speaker, dismissing or otherwise putting them down. Be candid and open but know that dialogue vs. debate can generate much deeper insight and learning. Also saying nothing at all and offering comfort, console or any other non verbal / energetic gesture (eye contact, slowing the breath, holding a hand etc) can be incredibly powerful and healing beyond words.

It's not easy and takes time to let go of our old ways, habits or our need to control in order to build new capacity and skill. We can't see or understand someone in the moments that we are trying to control what they are saying or trying to impress them with what we are saying. There's no space for that person to unfold and be who they are.

Listening and unconditionally receiving what another expresses, is an active expression of love. The bottom line is, when we are listened to, we feel connected. When we're not listened to, we feel separate. Whether it's the communicating with ourselves (body, mind, spirit) our colleagues, partners, lovers, children, different generations, across cultures, we must choose the sacred skill of listening over and over and over.

The more we understand, the less we fear -- the less we fear, the more we trust and the more we trust, the more love can flow.

Self Loathing. Stop that Shit.

Fear and self- loathing are the perfect combination. They go together like PB + Jam, Avocado + Toast, Cookies + Milk…you get the point! BUT hating yourself is an awful tactic, less satisfying than any and all of those combinations and that shit has to STOP.  

Self-loathing is the feeling that we just aren’t good enough; an extreme dislike of oneself. Fuelled by anger, low self-esteem, and a distorted perception of oneself due to misguided thoughts and self-belief. I like to think of it as a sliding scale, a spectrum of sorts. Whether some one dislikes or despises them self, it influences the way they think and behave.

Unfortunately it would appear that as humans, we are much harder on ourselves than we ever would be toward others. We tend to work painfully hard to maintain unrealistic expectations of the self. Although it has been fairly normalised to be this way in our society, it is not ok. If it goes on for long enough it can be damaging and wreak havoc on our lives, in every area.

At the root of self-loathing is the belief that there’s something intrinsically wrong, bad, or defective about you. But that simply isn’t so. 

This deprecating behaviour can be subtle and might show up in the form of comparison, negative self-talk, finding fault or criticism in choices and appearance, dodging praise or not accepting compliments or care. It may also creep into our lives in louder and aggressive ways as well such as deeply listening to the inner voice while it scolds, berates, telling you how embarrassing, stupid, useless, awful, ugly or insensitive you are. 

If self-judgment is persistent (depending on the degree of intensity) it can lead to:

• Depression and/or anxiety

• Feeling chronically insecure around others

• Slouched/poor posture

• Neglecting your body and health

• Self-sabotage and self destruction (not allowing yourself to be happy)

• Refusing compliments, advice, or help

• Self-isolation

• Addiction/addictive tendencies

• Martyrdom

• Feeling like a victim all the time

• Defeatist mindset (“what’s the point”)

• Hopelessness

• Aimlessness

No matter what circumstances you find yourself in, a nasty point of view toward yourself is never warranted.  Think about yourself and treat yourself as you would a close friend; respectfully and with affection. With understanding and empathy, easiness and love. Ultimately, the goal is to take care of all levels of your being.

There is no singular cause of self-loathing. The human mind is too complex to distil it down to one reason. There are however, a number of factors that may contribute to a less than ideal picture of oneself. Some people may learn to loathe themselves based on the messaging or treatment during their upbringing or within their environment.  Similarly, emotional and psychological abuse as an adult can dismantle an otherwise healthy self-image and lead to a distortion of one’s beliefs and thoughts. Trauma at any stage can create a ripple effect out into our future and erode self-concept. Social comparison, perfectionist mindset and people pleasing are also ingredients to self -hate.

Regardless of what has happened to you in your past, you are powerful in your own right, free to choose any point of view or course of action available to you. YOU ARE ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. You must be your own advocate and remember that although you may not be able to change the reality of certain circumstances, you absolutely have the ability to shift your perspective and reactions with the proper tools and support. Luckily, there are steps we can take to quiet that inner critic, calm the negative storm, and move forward in positive ways.

Just as there is no one reason for WHY self loathing, there isn’t one path of HOW to overcome. Regardless of the modalities you might use, I believe the most important step that lays a foundation for all others to be effective, is forgiveness.

Supportive tools:

Forgive yourself and be compassionate -
Especially when it feels the hardest, that’s when it is most important. I often get asked what this even means and how to execute forgiveness. Keep in mind that forgiveness DOES NOT mean what you did or what anyone else did is OK, it means that we are no longer willing to be available for it to emotionally destroy / trigger us on a regular basis. We must separate the behaviour or choice from our individual identity and what we make it mean about ourselves.

We can often get focused on the past—a painful moment or emotion like shame or guilt, anger or embarrassment, or a sense of powerlessness. In that space, there is no room to forgive yourself or embrace who you are, exactly as you are. 

Do your best to stay in the present and focus on how far you have come. This may feel uncomfortable or different, but over time, it will help you to decrease self-hatred and gain self-compassion.

Also, accepting and acknowledge that EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED is crucial.  In a culture that prioritizes the cognitive aspects of life, the language of the body often goes unheard. The beliefs you hold about yourself and the world, your emotions, your memories, and your habits all influence mental and physical health.

For example, you are likely already familiar with the way that fear can contribute to digestive upset or how tension can lead to headaches.

When you experience emotional states like sadness, joy, or anger, physiological sensations occur in different areas of your body. Stuck or repressed emotions appear to be especially harmful to physical health. People who repress their emotions are more likely to have disruptions in the normal balance of the stress hormone cortisol compared to people who freely express emotion.

Slowing down to observe -
Attention to your own body and mind is the most generous and life-changing thing you can do for yourself. What do you feel? Where do you feel it?  How does this interact with your thoughts? What situations trigger you or empower you?

Try keeping it simple (different than easy!) by focusing and combining your daily efforts and consistent action around these categories: Create, experience + Move.

Create - When you let yourself create, you open yourself up to your creativity and true self expression (ex. write, make, draw, sing, paint, photography)

Experience - Change cannot happen without experiencing shifts within your body. Developing self awareness and action versus hoping or wishing (ex, feeling, sensing)

Move - Movement offers a release of tension, shifts emotion and ignites vitality (ex. yoga, work out, dance, walk, bike)

Learn to take compliments -
Say thank you when it happens AND start asking people who love you to share what they appreciate most about you to gain insight.

Challenge your negative thoughts -
Say to yourself, “That’s not true.” Then think of reasons this negative thought is wrong.

Know how to laugh at yourself -
Humour is medicine and so is levity.

Respect + Set boundaries -
Saying no is a powerful thing as is speaking up for what you need for yourself.

Create an inventory of your strengths -
Write them ALL out in your journal.

Get off the gram -
Take a social media detox and recalibrate your perspective.

Use Mantra  / Affirmation / Declarations – create your own for the most effective result-
I am more than this action.
I accept myself in all ways.
I can love myself in the ways that I love others I am a person who gives myself permission to drop the self-loathing as the big lie against myself.
I will not be defeated by a false sense of guilt, by a self-hatred that does not tell the truth of who I am as a person.
I am capable of giving love to myself.

Reach out for help to develop a strong supportive network of people and community -
Healing can never be done alone, we are wired to belong and connect with others in loving and meaningful relation. Learning from others, engaging in conversation and sharing experiences can be extremely uplifting.

The time is now, wave the white flag, surrender and give yourself permission to begin a new direction.
You can tune into kindness instead of using force. You can say thank you to whatever situation you’re in and embrace the feeling that is deemed negative. You can stop the war against yourself and instead of being harsh, cold, or angry toward yourself, you can step into an attitude of romance, gentleness and allowing.

You still have time to embrace your weirdness, to realize that you are not wrong, to change the story of your life and come back home to a loving, caring energy.

Lean in, trust yourself and let yourself be taken care of – with love.

Want to work together on this stuff?
Check out how I can help you.



Access vs. Inclusion : GREECE 2018

Our recent adventure to Greece at Fykiada Retreats was magic. (Pics below!)

The Aegean sea, raw and stunning natural environment, fresh and delicious food, nurturing yoga, inspiring company -  truly incredible. What was even more special were the connections and community created on this trip. A group of strangers evolved into close friends and developed a support network that will last a lifetime. On our adventures this is a common occurrence and our ultimate goal; to adventure is to find yourself whole and know that you truly belong. People often arrive on our adventures having forgotten that even when we’re utterly alone, we’re connected to one another by something greater than group membership, politics and ideology — we’re connected by love and the human spirit. No matter how separated we are by what we think and believe, we are part of the same spiritual story. 

We believe that just because you have access (a way or means of approach) to a group, experience or even a person, does not mean that you are included (part of the whole). So many of us long to be a part of something real. We want true belonging, but it does take courage to experience and embody being seen, heard, valued for who you are as a unique soul on this planet. 

This type of inclusion is not passive; it is beyond and deeper than 'access'.  It is not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it feels like a safer option. It is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable and learn how to be present with people, without sacrificing who we are. It’s about breaking down the walls,  listening to ourselves and others, having difficult conversations, looking for joy, shared pain and becoming more curious rather than defensive or judgemental, all while seeking moments of togetherness. 

True belonging is not something you negotiate externally, it’s what you carry in your heart. It’s finding the sacredness in being a part of something. When we reach this place, even momentarily, we belong everywhere and nowhere. When people choose to show up for themselves and one another as they did in Greece, that is when we heal and grow. It is in these moments we know we have found our people and we long to continue living a life that is rich with connection and care. 

While in Greece and witnessing these blossoming relationships and how special and necessary they were,  I compiled a brief list titled 'You know you've found your people when...' Please trust that if these items below feel far beyond your current reach, you CAN choose a new path.  A different adventure awaits you and it might be time to bravely seek + find your people. I know they are out there and life is so much sweeter when they are by your side. 

'You know you've found your people when...'  

You are not worried or concerned about any judgement

There is never any shame for how you think, feel or show up

You do not hide parts of yourself

They leave you feeling better about yourself 

Never are you bullied, humiliated, put down, deliberately hurt or ridiculed 

They do things that contribute to your happiness + well being. 

Ease overcomes anxiety 

love trumps fear 

They mean what they say and say what they mean. No guessing games, pure integrity 

You feel comfortable and happy in your own body because you are loved beyond physical form

You can make decisions that feel right for you and trust you are supported by others

All is safe and you can simply BE you. 

You are more powerful because you empower each other 

Sharing is always caring and without hesitation

Everyone benefits from another's growth and healing

Silence isn't awkward

Even after time apart, it feels like you saw them yesterday and as though a moment hasn't passed

Trustworthy and willing to tell you the truth, even when it's hard for you to hear.

LOTS of laughs (sometimes with you, sometimes at you!) 

LOTS of tears (sometimes yours, sometimes theirs!) 

Real, honest + open conversations happen often 

Hugs are abundant

Check out the latest embodied adventure with our people. xo 

---

When the body speaks.

Take care of your body. It is the only place you to live - Jim Rohn 

When your body is ready, every essence of your being will alert you and disclose what is needed. The innate wisdom and intelligence urging to make a change. Shift directions. Take a pause. Carve out an alternate pathway. Surrender sweetly. Raise your vibration. 

When the body speaks. Perhaps the anger and hurt from inside will appear on the outside. Disclosing your unhappiness. Red, Inflamed, uncooperative and relentless. 

When the body speaks. A destructive interference within your digestion. An inability to be nourished by your ideas, thoughts and desires. Fear purging and eliminating. A void, hunger and emptiness ensues. 

When your body speaks. The breath is stifled and stuck. You long for stillness in your chest and fullness in your lungs. 

When the body speaks. The mind can only take so much. When it's had enough, a war will wage behind your face. Pounding in your head, pressure behind your eyes. You might hide from the light, block out the noise. 

When the body speaks. Your bones become heavy heavy.  Tissues and muscles encasing you lack fluidity. Movement is restricted. Feelings of disconnect and unfamiliarity, like you're walking in a strangers shoes. Aches, pains and tightness are now your new companions. 

When the body speaks. Your body, your mind, your heart may lose the capacity to stay awake. Unable to engage or be present in the dance of life. The tired takes over and you crumble beneath the sheets. 

When the body speaks. 

Gasping. 

Gripping. 

Clenching. 

Tangled. 

Knotted. 

Rigid. 

Imprisoned. 

When the body speaks. Heaven help you should you cling to guilt, worry and un-forgiveness. They invade your cells, toxicity riddling your insides. Silently destroying your vitality. 

When the body speaks. 

It calls upon you. 

to rise. 

to decide. 

to grow. 

to ignite. 

to live. 

Will  you feel? Will you listen carefully?  

Avoidance.

I believe that one of the biggest obstacle to our progress is something we’ve all likely been doing in some way or another for most of our life: A V O I D I N G. 

Humans, like all species, are continually evolving and adapting to the environment around them. When it is cold, the body works to warm us up. When wounded, the body is able to heal. When scared, we are alerted to fight, freeze or flee. All organisms have to be able to maintain homeostasis (balance) within some range of conditions that are not completely stable. We do so by adapting in all kinds of ways, physically, mentally, emotionally and of course, socially. 

Our brains are essentially social brains, we share information and we create and pass on knowledge. That's the means by which humans are able to adjust to new situations, and it's what differentiates humans from our earlier ancestors, and our earlier ancestors from primates. This adaptive ability not only allowed our progenitors to ride the massive seesaws of climate shifts but subsequently helped them to colonise new habitats and ways of living. 

We cope with difficulties in various ways. Some are more positive than others. Whilst avoidance and denial is a relatively harmless method that can be useful in the short term, it can result in significant internal damage and may end up coming out in other ways. Avoidant coping is one of the main causes of out-of-control stress, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, relationship problems, and eating issues. 

Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope.  When feelings of discomfort appear, we find ways of not experiencing them. Procrastination is another form of avoidance where we put off to tomorrow those things that we can avoid today. Avoidance is essentially a maladaptive way of coping which causes anxiety to snowball because typically one ends up experiencing more of the very thing they were trying to escape. Sure, sometimes the things that people come to avoid are truly dangerous and deserving of being avoided however, other times, there is no actual danger present. In many cases, feelings of anxiety and panic cause people to think they are facing a real and profound danger, when in actuality, they are not and the yet the neurological response in our bodies is the same regardless. 

In order to figure out how to stop this and shift toward healthier ways of dealing and managing life's challenges, we have to figure out why we are avoiding in the first place. The answer is, of course, our thoughts. But more specifically, when you are avoiding doing something, you are not avoiding the actual action but rather, what you are avoiding is a feeling you don’t want to have or a difficult emotion. It’s a feeling that your current brain predicts you will have if you do the 'thing', or take any steps towards doing the 'thing'. 

• Right now you’re reading this but probably avoiding the difficult thing you don’t want to think about.
• We are constantly checking messages, news, feeds, notifications, to avoid doing something we don’t want to face.
• When we’re facing difficulties in life, we try to tell ourselves that’s it’s okay because (fill in the blank), or get busy with some activity or numbing agent (like alcohol) so we don’t have to face the difficulties.
• When a problem comes up, our reaction is to want to go do something else, put it off.
• We put off paying bills, doing taxes, dealing with long emails, dealing with clutter, because we don’t want to face these difficulties.
• We put off exercise because it’s uncomfortable.
• The real conversation that really needs to occur doesn't happen because we fear rejection and hurt. 

Check in with yourself. Take a good look at your life now. Is there anything that you are trying to avoid dealing with? Your work? Your responsibilities? Your relationships?  Your health? Your dietary habits? Your exercise regime? Your financial status? Your goals? Your aspirations? Your personal issues? Your past?

Until you acknowledge and muster the courage to deal with what you are trying to escape from, your issues will not miraculously disappear. They will continue to be there, creating looping patterns in your life. You will keep finding yourself stuck in similar situations and contexts, thinking the same things, feeling the same emotions, and doing the same things — over, and over, and over again — until the day you finally decide to do something about them. Loops require conscious intervention in order to break out of them. 

Consider the following + break your avoidance patterns/habits. 

1. Recognise it doesn't work. It is simply not an adaptive behaviour that serves you and your well being long term. Choose to stop. I’m not saying that facing your issues is easy. It’s not. When you are trying to avoid something, it is usually a reflection of deeper inner issues which you have not resolved. These issues are delicate. These issues are very real. It takes true strength and courage to be able to face them head on but you can do it. Truly, you can. 

2. Understand the cost of avoidance (physical, emotional, psychological etc). Check out this worksheet from the book ' The Happiness Trap' CLICK HERE

3. Learn to connect + tolerate uncomfortable feelings/thoughts - listen to the communication of your body, soften and reduce rigidity. Trust that your body is never lying to you and use it as your guide to help you identify when you are slipping into negative thoughts or actions. 

4. Focus on what you WANT not what you DON'T WANT. 

5. Build your capacity for Self-regulation. Move your body, get outside, breathe, meditate, write, talk - do whatever you need to do in order to increase positive energy flow in your life and return to homeostasis.

6. Always remember that although stressors arise in life, you are designed to feel good, to be happy and to belong. Reach out + get the love and support you need. 

Strength doesn't always come from the things you can do but rather overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. 

Keep going, the world needs your magic! 

xo Jess 

Begin again.

'At the beginning there was nothing but love and stardust, my heart yearns to begin again'

 Atticus

Today and every day, I encourage you to create a more personal resolution based on a deep understanding of yourself and what matters most to you. As you leap into this new beginning be sure to take a sacred pause to reconnect and recalibrate. Moving forward, take only what you must from the past and consider leaving the rest as memories, growth or nothingness. 

- Confident in the whole self - 

All of you. Exactly where you've been has made possible exactly who you are. 

- Trust the full spectrum of colour - 

Witness and embrace that which is vibrant. ALso be willing to see the dark in your life, deal with it. Choose to shine brighter because of it.  

- Truth + transparency - 

Feel beyond the senses into the depth of your own innate awareness. Show up fully, be seen and request that those around you do the same. There's no time for fake or half hearted. Only 100% is 100%, 99% = 0. 

- People are healing - 

Find the good ones and nurture your relationship to these souls. Make space and time for those who want you to be the best version of yourself and for those who love you and it's palpable. Let go of the rest. 

- Trust the yoga - 

Everything is a practice. Opt for fulfilling movement and more freedom in breath + body. 

- Give permission to yourself and others for their human-ness - 

Offer grace. This is very different to an invitation of complacency, abuse or neglect. Return those back to sender. Immediately. 

- Stay open and embody presence - 

Become so skilled at discovering love in each area of your life. Focus on it and watch the expansion occur. 

- Slow down - 

Be patient as you evolve. Honour and appreciate the process and the progression no matter how small. Day by day, step by step. Each moment, a new choice. 

- Align all ways. All the time - 

Get crystal clear about how you want to feel and say yes to people, places, things that contribute to that feeling. Carve out time to create a map of where you're going, navigate from within. 

Do more to experience the sensation of being alive.

Find joy.

Kindness matters. 

Seek adventure.

Stay wild.

Get outside. 

Love hard.

Play daily. 

Laugh deeply.

Rest often. 

Take care of yourself + others. 

---

Blessings + Love.  

Jess xo 

Belongings don't create belonging.

 At the end of the day, like deathbed end of day, the majority of us humans agree that the ‘things’ we own do not make us who we are, nor are they thing things that provide a sense of true importance, meaning, happiness or belonging.  Do we really believe it? If we did would be so damn concerned about black friday, cyber monday or fret about checking off the christmas lists?

Belongings DO NOT create belonging BUT your stuff does has meaning written all over, under, in and around it.  When was the last time you truly dug into the WHY behind your consumption and consumerism? Do you consciously choose your purchases and make decisions from creative choice based listening or instead are you reacting from fear. Why do you do what you do and have what you have?  I often think it comes down to this: The desire + need to belong is paramount. 

 We need to belong to one another, our friends and families, our culture and country, to our world. Belonging is primal, fundamental to our sense of happiness and well-being. Our interests, motivation, health and happiness are inextricably tied to the feeling that we belong to a greater community that may share common interests and aspirations. It is proven that Isolation, loneliness and low social status can harm a person's subjective sense of well-being, as well as his or her intellectual achievement, immune function and health. Research shows that even a single instance of exclusion can undermine well-being. 

When we feel a threat to our connection, we become afraid of judgment and petrified by what other people think of us. When this happens, we often make choices and formulate habits that actually damage us + end up separating from ourselves and others versus bring us closer together. Consider this example…You have been invited to a function on the weekend by your coworkers.  You know them but you don’t REALLY know them well. It is important for you to have them like you and to enjoy your night out. You frantically look through your closet to figure out what you might wear. You try this, that and the other thing on and nothing seems to fit. Your thoughts spiral negatively and you begin to speak poorly of yourself in your mind. Limiting beliefs creep in and you start doubting whether or not you should even attend the gathering. You question what they will think of you, their reactions, judgements and so on. To avoid potential embarrassment or pain, you come to the conclusion that what you really need is a new outfit. Several purchases on the old credit card later and you have yourself the ticket to head turns and approval from your work mates, right?!

At this point in your thought processing,  a decision is being made that seems somewhat benign, you're getting a new outfit.  HOWEVER, it is in the moments like these ones when we can make a different choice. A new choice that is empowering and integral rather than one based in reaction and the need to 'fit in'. If we peel back the layers of the Self and are open to being aware, it becomes easy to notice how fixated humans are on pleasing each others, on looking the part and needing to be liked or acknowledged. Unfortunately, fitting in is about trying to adapt to a world that’s not your own. You don’t belong there, true belonging doesn't even exist here. 

Brene Brown writes ‘Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted but we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking’ Fitting in is easy but it comes at a cost and it is one of the easiest ways to lose precious parts of you. Perhaps that cost is financial, emotional, spiritual, physical or soul deep. In our own ways we each experience the dilemma of fitting in, maybe we don't purchase a new outfit to do so but instead we take a job that we don't love so our parents are proud, we can say things we don't truly mean to be seen as 'cool', lease a vehicle that is beyond our budget, spend time with people that restrict our fullest self expression. The examples are endless. 

Here's the thing, if you feel like you don’t belong, there’s a very good chance you don’t, and this isn’t a bad thing! Pay attention to what specifically triggered that feeling for you. Is it that you don’t care about the things others do? Is it that you’re spending time with people who are your opposite? Is it that you don’t enjoy the activity at hand? Not fitting in doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you or the people around you, it just means you’re different or the circumstance is not suited to you. Use this as an opportunity to explore what would need to change for you to feel like you belong. This isn’t about changing yourself or forcing yourself to be anything you’re not, it’s about taking an honest look at the situation.  

You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be known for the real deal that you are. Not for the clothes that cover your body, the car you drive, the house you live in or the job/education you have.

Maybe you need a new set of friends or to spend less time with your family. Maybe you’re not dating the right person. Maybe you’d rather be at a cultural event than out drinking. Whatever it is, just make note of it and create better alignment in your life, work, and relationships going forward. Belonging is about inhabiting the world as the R E A L you.

It takes courage to show up in your own skin.

Here are some top tips for cultivating MORE belonging. 

1.  Love yourself first. Remember that there is only one you on this planet + you have unique gifts to offer.

2. Listen to your body – it will never lie. Discover how it feels in your physical self when you are ‘fitting in’ vs ‘belonging’, the sensations, the breath, your energy level, emotions and clarity of thought. Figure out how each feels and then choose to spend more time where it feels lightest, free and soothing to your cells. (psst. it's belonging, hands down!)

3. Stop with the stories: Quit creating stories in your mind about why you aren’t important, good enough or the ‘right person’, unlikable etc. AND Do not change your values, likes, dislikes, words in text messages, embellish, pretend or lie in order to fit the part of someone else’s role for you in their story.

4. Join in + try new things. Say yes to opportunities,  get outside of your comfort zone.

5. If one pathway to connection isn’t working, seek alternative paths + people.  Keep looking.

6. Acceptance for Self + others. Practice this often. Concentrate on things you have in common rather than what sets you apart.

7. Share who you are, what you love + what you do. When you hide, people cannot find you. Your tribe is waiting. 

8. Actively participate. Begin to take part in community life and contribute in meaningful, ongoing ways that have a positive impact

9. Be the longing - discover what you are most missing in your life – and then give that thing away. EX: If you long for a listener in your life, fill that roll for someone else. Longing for a friend who checks in to see if you are well, be that caller for another. You crave community gathering and ritual, start a group, be the source of connection.

10. Be kind to yourself. Remember you’re not alone in this feeling, regardless of how intense, frequent, or unique to you it may feel.

Stay true. xo 

Jess

Best in the world.

It's easy to focus on the things we need to improve and it's often natural that we perseverate on what we don't want in our lives, the negative, the weakness, the flaw. Notice when you speak with people and ask them how they are if the first thing they share is negative. Become increasingly interested in how people share themselves with you, it is most common that they speak to their hurt or frustration, complaint or upset. It doesn't need to be like this.

We are not designed to worry, fret or to deplete our energy and life force getting trapped and tangled in the mud of this world. This is not to say you should not be aware and/or care about the state of your world and what is around you but you do not need to react, become passive, disengaged with life or crust over your heart because you are scared.  Doing these things is not nearly as powerful nor effective as thoughtful and intentional response and resolve. The brain itself and it's perspective along with our habits can all change and become more free, making positive energy flow our natural state of being. 

I'm committed to shifting this paradigm regardless of how entrenched it seems in our society.  I choose to rise above the cultural tendency to see the glass half empty, the world as broken and people as 'bad'. I constantly challenge myself to align my thoughts, my focus and my energy to the following questions (feel free to use them as your own journal prompts!)

• What is working? 
• What is good? 
• What can I do to make a difference?
• How can I be more loving?
• What I am best in the world at?

I am best in the world at... creating environments where strangers become friends, or even better, chosen family. I curate spaces where upon landing you attune to your body and heart. Capable of thinking less and feeling more. In these moments you feel calm, trust + know with every cell of your being that you are exactly where you are needed. 

I am best in the world at... helping humans embody self acceptance and worthiness.  I love me, you, others + Nature all the same. I know deeply that we are connected, woven together inside + out. We belong to each other and my goal is to help you remember this in order to strengthen our communities.  

I'm best in the world at... seeing potential, excavating limitations. Believing that there's always more than what simply meets the eyes, that anything is possible + I choose to tap into the non verbal, non physical intelligence of myself and of everything around me to help highlight the bigger picture of what matters most. I cheer for humanity. 

I am best in the world at...using humour, creativity, play and lightness to lift the heavy loads we carry with us.  Fun and humour shift people out of fear and uplifts and softens them. We all have burdens and challenge but getting through them with laughter and fun is one of my most treasured strategies. 

I am best in the world at...hugs. We all need to be held, nurtured and reassured. Nothing soothes a soul more than the safety and comfort of loving arms. I got you. 

Your turn now. 

Start developing the habit of a restful and positively focused mind. (Hence why I enjoy flying so much, I feel like this is all I can do in the moment). If the opposite occurs and our mind constantly wanders, we doubt, grip, force, judge and fear and then ultimately we fatigue in every possible way. Over time we come to associate a distracted mind with this fatigue, anger, resentment and sorrow. We come to see the present as a refuge from the pain and imaginations or stories. We come to see that the present is a place where love lives.

Be still. 

Get quiet. 

Start to take your mind on a journey to discover and ask YOURSELF what am I best in the world at? It can be 1 thing, it can me many. Watch where your thoughts initially take you, is it + or -? Let go of any rigidity or limiting beliefs that do not serve your heart. Be more generous with yourself, ask those around you and gain insight from those you love. Upgrade your thoughts and focus on what is loving, kind and positive. You will begin to see things in a whole new way and feel more confident in sharing your best with the world.

Can't wait to hear what you come up with. 

I see you, I love you. 

Jess xo 

Lucent.

Our world is becoming increasingly filled with distraction. Information moves faster, louder, and brighter than ever before. Entertainment, social media, and marketing have never been so prevalent. They beg for our attention and our focus. These forms of distraction are easily recognised and many of us will fully admit that we spend too much time checking e-mail, over purchase and consume, binge on television / food / booze / bullshit + are challenged to look up from our devices. It would seem that distraction is a universal competency and we have all become experts.

Distractions take residence in our mind and wreak havoc on our pursuits.  Our minds + hearts wander frequently and days, weeks, months, sometimes years can become full of meaningless moments heavy with comparison. When we are disconnected and unfocused on what really matters, we feel compelled to compare our lives to the people around us. We compare our belongings, our appearance, our families, and our successes. Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you are N O T and diminish your self worth rather than enjoying YOUR life and connecting to who you are as a person. The distractions, whether internal or external, limit our ability to heal, move on + connect to our greatest potential and purpose. We know this, we feel this. 

I created Lucent Festival with the intention to help wake us up and feel fully alive. An experience that allows us to slow down and immerse ourselves in Nature surrounded by people who value connection and want to grow,  leaving a positive mark on this planet. There is no judgement, no frills, people are safe to be completely themselves. It is an annual celebration of individual and collective light, I suppose it is a spiritual revolution in many ways. Spirituality referring to concern for the qualities of the human spirit and cultivation of a kind heart. Lucent aims to hold space for humans to embody love, trust, patience, tolerance, presence, forgiveness, compassion, contentment, a sense of responsibility + harmony which bring happiness to both one’s self and others.

The world is a big place and we have much to offer. Those who choose to live life as a victim of distraction will always miss their opportunity to give. Additionally, those who choose to adopt an indifference to the world around them will miss out on their greatest potential and chance to evoke change because. BUT those who recognise need and seek to do something about it, experience a joy and fulfilment that can never be discovered anywhere else. These are the humans who gathered at Lucent. All different shapes, sizes, races, ages, languages, lifestyles, incomes and life experiences united  and created sweet magic that will forever fill all of our hearts + souls. NO bells, NO whistles, NO smoke, mirrors or ego.  Simple goodness + real people. 

We disconnected from our every day stressors and perceived pressure/distractions and chose to reconnect to the people and places we love.  To watch people land in this space and unravel, let go,  decompress and to witness people of all ages come together engaging in healthy movement, learning new skills, mindfully crafting, playing, laughing, authentically conversing getting to know one another, cultivating stillness, actually breathing, children exploring, dancing, sharing an incredible meal, exchanging eye contact + big hugs, multiple generations snuggled up around a fire surrounded with sweet song and music was an absolute joy + blessing.  I am fairly certain we all agree that this presence + time together is ultimately what matters most in life. Appreciating the little things and knowing that looking back, they are actually the big things. 

I truly believe that when our motivation is positive and focused, heartfelt action follows. The current ways in which we live and the state of the world must be turned upside down and inside out and the revolution of spirit is happening now. It begins within. It starts with you. Together.

By cultivating spiritual values and qualities it does not make ALL the problems in the world disappear. Each challenge, individually, locally, globally, needs it’s own practical set of solutions. Climate change for example will not improve simply because we are nice to each other nor will the negative implications of distraction disappear after one weekend in the wilderness without wifi. We must continue to shift our habits, mindset, attitudes and our belief in the power of commUNITY. Choosing to starve the distractions + fears and instead feed love as our focus. 

In the words of Iain Thomas ‘Every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling ‘ This is important! This is important!’ You need to worry about this! Be concerned about that!’ Each day it is up to you to hank your hand back, put it on your heart and say ‘NO. This is what is important’. The more you transform your heart and mind by being truly connected + concerned with the well being of yourself and others, the happier you become.

Remember, your impact ripples outward + lingers for a long time. Together we are contributing to the creation of a kinder, more spiritual world for everyone. We are giving off light.  

We are L U C E N T.

Extending much gratitude again to all those who supported, participated, lead, encouraged + helped to make Lucent all that it was. 

Love you,

Jess xo

Photos displayed on site by: @lindseydawncreative.

Photos from link below by: @jeremyklager / @athenamediagroup / @mydphotographics

Please credit/tag photographers + #lucent2017 #embodiedadventure

Trust.

Your beliefs will guide you whether or not they are in your best interest. Choose them wisely. 

Maybe you believe that you are incapable of having a healthy intimate relationship, or that you aren’t attractive to others, or think you will not live a long life. Or perhaps you have a strong conviction that you are very lucky, or that people in general are basically good and trustworthy OR the complete opposite. Truth is, your beliefs, whether they are within your conscious awareness or not, direct and influence your life.

A number of recent events have had me pondering about TRUST and then in conversation with a friend, he mentioned ‘ I genuinely trust you, which is big for me’. The context was nothing extraordinary but this wee sentence really got me thinking. Not only did it provid me with insight into part of his belief system around trust and relationship, but it also unpacks a lot of power on a deeper level as well.  Not Power as in ego maniac power trippin’ kinda way where now I get to manipulate and take advantage of him because I now know he trusts me mmmwaahahahahah (evil laugh, duh!) BUT rather it is powerful in a way that creates openness and possibility between people -- When there is trust, there is growth/inquiry + that my friends leads to transformation/evolution which in my humble opinion is good stuff, the magic, the piece de resistance. 

For me, trust is based on witnessing actions, feeling, believing and most importantly allowing. Trust is a choice to be available, vulnerable and transparent in relationship because the person you’re trusting has also shown dedication to your partnership through consistency in their honesty, integrity and dependability. Although building trust can happen in the first few days of our existence on Earth and there is some level of innate capacity to create it, I feel as a species it would help to us all if we became increasingly aware of our relationship with the T word.

Trust can be tricky though as many humans have been hurt or disappointed both self inflicted + by others.  Not only that but the messages about trust are often riddled with fear and negativity'Trust only yourself' 'Trust is easily broken' 'The only thing I trust is my ability to trust no one' 'When trust is broken, it's over' "Don't trust easily.' etc. etc. etc. As a result of conditioning + trauma, walls have formed around human hearts, their listening and receptivity shuts down or they begin operating from a place of Fear + Distrust. This programming of Distrust/Mistrust looks like this - doubt, suspicion, anxiety, with-drawl, unhealthy habits and self - preservation. Distrust can spread through a relationship like a wildfire. What starts as a small ember of doubt can mushroom into a full-on blaze of distrust if we don’t take steps to address it.

The best way to prevent distrust from taking a hold of our lives is to proactively focus on building trust rather than waiting to rebuild or repair. Trust must be continually developed and nurtured throughout the course of a relationship, not just when or after it’s been damaged. This critical in friendships and intimate partnership but it is also pivotal in business relations and transactions. The process of building trust intrigues me and I wanted to share it with you. 

6 Stages of Trust

 Connection. Caution. Consistency. Courage. Commitment. Comfort. 

Connection - For most of us we are drawn to others, products or experiences because we FEEL a connection. Perhaps something solves a problem for us, gives us hope, is attractive or desirable, meets a need or is simply appealing to our senses. As connection builds and relationship progresses, we allow more opportunities to explore and evaluate.  We are truly sensing all aspects + elements of relationship. 

Caution – While engaging in those opportunities where we can observe another person’s character in action and allow them to view the same in us we proceed with caution and patience, because we know the process of building trust is delicate however, recognising the importance of human tenderness, being open + curiosity versus judgement. Fostering curiosity rather than judgment can lead to a variety of benefits, including more inner peace, self-acceptance, kindness and healthier communication which creates foundation for Trust.  By “judging,” I’m not referring to being discerning, which is a good thing. Being thoughtful, reflective, and wise is an important part of healthy living. But, feeding a mind that’s always evaluating things as – black or white, good or bad, better or worse – is a recipe for emotional and behavioural discontent.  

Consistency - Consistency is the primary ingredient of trust. When we witness consistency in honest words and actions from someone or a company we naturally let our guard down and can experience deeper levels of intimacy. Their consistency gives us the courage to take the next step whether that is purchasing product, investing in an experience or developing a partnership on any level. 

Courage – Courage = Heart Wisdom and this certainly requires an element of faith (conviction + action). Most of us will agree that when we have connection and consistency in relationship, putting your heart on the line is much easier. When trust is established or being built, feeling confident, safe and secure when being vulnerable is critical. When you are valued, heard, understood + acknowledged, the more you tend to open yourself up, share, give, receive + risk. Without courage to continue on our path of growth, we can become complacent, disconnected or apathetic when it comes to the needs of our selves / others. This could be classified as 'Make it or break it' type of stage. 

Commitment - Our courage to trust always leads to a commitment. Every relationship requires some level of commitment, and the level of our commitment will ultimately define the level of our relationship. Relationships are a constant ebb + flow of giving and receiving. When we notice things are out of balance (unmet needs, disconnection, not speaking same love language, different vested interests or goals etc) this is the stage where communication and action are imperative to the maintenance of trust within the relationship. Lack of alignment without being addressed effectively can lead to individuals seeking external sources that support them in feeling aligned, even if it is temporary. Reestablish connection, get clear on boundaries and intentions, reset and make healthy new commitments if necessary to help move forward in a healthy manner otherwise a destruction + hurt occurs. 

Comfort - When you truly trust someone you FEEL safe and comfortable within their presence or even in the absence of their presence, the feeling still exists. You choose to see and believe the best in them. If someone has given you every reason that you can see to trust them but you STILL do not feel fully comfortable then perhaps identify if YOU are the one who is holding back or in need of clearing up / taking responsibility for old trust wounds + their impact OR do the work to distinguish whether someone is being phoney baloney with your fine self. Take time to dig a little deeper, ask more questions, listen harder, pay closer attention to what’s really under the surface. Your feelings and bodily sensations never lie, they are always communicating and innately intelligent. Listen. Listen. Listen. 

Tune in + Reflect

• What do you absolutely trust in?
• Who do you trust? Why do you know this to be true? 
• Do you trust in yourself? If not, how come? If Yes, why?
• Which stage of trust do you find the easiest?
• Which stage is the most difficult?
• What are some ways that you can invite more trust into your life?

Life isn’t perfect and some people prove not to be trustworthy. But will increasing your willingness to trust produce, on balance, a positive benefit? Will it make your life more pleasant and less stressful? I believe so. You have little to lose by trying.

Trust has to start somewhere. Why not with you, today, right now? 

Resolute.

There has never been a better time to start or stop.

At any given moment you can make a new choice.

You can commit.  

Experience an upgrade.

Set a clear intention.

Declare what you need. 

Purposefully decide what you desire.

Raise the bar. 

Forgive. 

Forget. 

Let go. 

Give in. 

Hold out. 

Go towards. 

Self -knowledge reveals to the soul that its natural motion is not in a straight line but rather it is circular, always fluid. The self is a circle, whose centre is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. The circle being a universal symbol representing the notions of totality, wholeness, original perfection,  the infinite, eternity, timelessness, all cyclic movement. 

It is time to embrace your innermost and incomparable uniqueness.  This all-encompassing embrace of the self requires a journey into our rejected selves, and perhaps most importantly, our own pain. Examine + then shed the layers that hold you back, that stifle and restrict you. Dismantle the old. The parts that you no longer require.

When you can really sit in nothing, you can become everything.

What would you then do? 

Be firm in your purpose + belief but allow it to softly move through, in, out, and all around you. 

Now what?

It's been just over a week since I have arrived back In Canada after facilitating our Take the leap retreat in Bali with the most inspiring group of humans I could have ever dreamed of + the best copilot @createthelove. Words do not even begin to explain how grateful I am for this time together, the learning, sharing, the tears, laughter, the pool parties, epic rooftop yoga and the gentle spirit of Bali that cradled us as we busted down barriers, broke down walls + cracked our hearts wide open. 1 week together and our hearts got a little softer, our wounds a little less festy, our vision clearer and our presence bolder + brighter. 

Much like when we complete any of these pivotal and life altering, soul soothing experiences (regardless of where or when because even if you didn't come to Bali with us I know you have had these moments and begged for them to last forever!) we really do wonder how to keep the bliss alive + bring more of the good vibes into our everyday existence. How can we aim to stay in alignment, to continue breaking the patterns, refusing to build walls and find the clarity and calm in our communication we so desire.  After weeks of pondering what to write in this post, I came up with countless ideas - was it going to be my top 5 tips on how to stay awesome? The best ways to keep connected to your path + purpose? What to do to ground you after being on a mega high with your tribe? NOTHING resonated fully and I felt the guilts start to creep in, the shoulds, the timelines, the expectations. 

In all honesty, it wasn't until tonight that what I needed you to know was truly revealed to me. I felt it in my bones + I knew that it was spot on. The words are not just for those who ventured to Bali with us, they are for all of us. Anyone who wants more for themselves and craves deep + meaningful connection/contribution in this lifetime. Those of you who are committed to showing up and being 100% YOU. Humans who want to stand for another's greatness. The shifters, the dreamers, the makers, the innovative badasses who together are healing themselves + the entire world. 

Here is what you must know especially when life gets tough and shit is flying at you so fast.  

I AM CONDUCTING GODLY/DIVINE GIFTS

I AM BOUND FOR GREATNESS

I RECEIVE GRACE (The word translated "grace"  comes from the Greek word charis, which means “favour, blessing, or kindness.”) 

YOU ARE THE GIFT + THE GIVER. 

Marinate in that. Say it aloud or write it out. What does it mean for you? How are you the gift? Where / what are you giving? Are you allowing Grace + greatness into your world? Please remember how deserving you are of happiness + joy. 

And finally, from one of my favourite pieces of poetry Desiderata

Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

I love you.  

Jess x

Prescribing Presence

Cultivating our capacity to sense energy and information flow helps us expand the 'Self' beyond the boundaries of our body and reveals the fundamental truth that we are indeed part of an interconnected world. - Dan Siegel

For the last few weeks, I have been immersed in Nature, surrounded by amazing human beings + have learned a lot. I hosted our Autumn Attunement retreat in the mountains + then travelled to the far west corner of Canada to participate in a Mind, Body, Medicine training. After a couple weeks digesting and reintegrating back into my every day routine I am feeling grateful and would love for you to know what I've been pondering. It has the potential to be more helpful than anything your Dr. would ever order. 

Whether you are in conversation, listening, learning a new skill, parenting, sharing a meal, making love, immersed in Nature, healing your body/heart, playing a sport, facilitating a meeting, executing important business transaction, practicing yoga or at home with a cup of tea: P R E S E N C E is pivotal.  My personal thinking is that most of our problems in relationships, parenting, business, and our health, stem from our inability to be present with ourselves, each other + our lack of intimacy with Mumma Nature. Most of us lead incredibly busy lives, trying to cram an impossible amount of activity into our days, and in the process of trying to take care of everything the brain deems important, we forget what truly matters. 

What is presence? Can we simply define it and therefore truly understand? I don't believe so. For me presence is more than a state of existing or occurring in a place or experience because you can physically be in a space with others or alone and not be there at all in heart, mind or spirit. I liken presence to a feeling, a willingness to embody receptivity.  The ability and desire to truly engage oneself in the moment. Life is only happening right now, in this moment. 

When we leave the moment by getting distracted by our thoughts, we lose the opportunity to experience what it feels like to really be alive. We can easily get caught fixating about a past hurt or worrying about a future concern. But when we can bring our focus back to the moment, we have the opportunity to heal and step into a future we actively choose.  One thing that consistently blows me away when I am hosting trainings, retreats or participating in them is the intense level of presence and healing that can be done with strangers. Presence does not have limited access to those closest to you. I hear things like:  'I can only be open with those who know me best' 'I don't even know them, no way I am touching them or making eye contact!' 'I'm too shy to share with people I don't know' 'Strangers don't care about my story or who I am' 
Blah blah blah that is WRONG. You can actually feel such tremendous love, strength and depth from someone you have never met (trust me, I witness it OFTEN) but you must open yourself,  show up + BE with them sans judgement, fear or distraction. Some of my most profound healing moments have been with people I do not know well, they have been acts of pure human tenderness, compassion, empathy and gratitude. In order for you to radically increase your ability to be in relationship with other people and share embodied experiences YOU must learn to be embodied. 

At my recent training, we spoke in depth about the universe of cells that make up our physical vessel. Your being is always sensing,  seeking, waiting + responding to stimuli / information.  Our bodies are equipped with a natural mechanism called the “stress response,” also known as the “fight-or-flight” response. When we encounter something that feels like a threat the amygdala in the brain experiences the emotion fear. The brain then communicates to the hypothalamus, which communicates to the nervous system, which signals to the adrenal glands to release the stress hormones cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. This assembly-line-like process of the sympathetic nervous system is a crucial part of our body’s internal self-protection mechanism. Many of us live in overdrive and operate in a constant state of 'fight or flight'. This can be a result of feeling the fear of imagined threats: financial security, societal achievement, the steadiness or demise of a relationship, a perceived health threat or the loss of a loved one etc. 

We are not physiologically designed to be frightened as often as we are. 

Constantly operating from this place, it is no wonder that many of us feel the perils of stress and anxiety on a daily basis. We struggle with migraines, digestive issues, difficulty breathing, lack of concentration, fatigue, depression, isolation, and innumerable other physical ailments because our body is actually attempting to flee the scene of a real threat (car crash, lion chase, assault, etc.) that simply isn’t there. We are spending less time in Nature, our communities (although electronically are expanding) are becoming smaller + we feel more alone than ever.  We find ourselves reacting to the body's information by stuffing down pain, emotions, numbing, we push through and past the bodily feedback in order to achieve the external goals, tasks or demands of every day life. To survive, get by, make it to tomorrow to hang on. Disease generally occurs when we abuse our bodies or deprive them of basic requirements to keep us healthy over extended periods. When we idle at the surface of the problem and do not dive deep into the root. 

Ask yourself why it is that you take time to understand how your computer or iphone works but you cannot take time to explore, learn + understand how YOU work? 

 The good news is: YOUR BODY WANTS TO + CAN HEAL ITSELF. Both our energetic and physical bodies have an innate genius for balancing themselves -- maintaining homeostasis through intricate, constant acts of self-regulation.

And when we bring consciousness/awareness to parts of ourselves that are out of balance, and for whatever reason are resisting coming back into balance, that deep, listening awareness can help remove the resistance and ALLOW our natural balancing/healing power to reassert itself. You must calm down though and get out of the stress response.

To help get present, try this...

1. Take a sacred Pause from whatever is happening, in Nature is best of course. 

2. Breathe, inhale deeply (deeper than you have all day)

3. Breathe, exhale deeply (through the mouth, a big purge/sigh of air) 

4. Repeat + keep shifting OUT of Doing + INTO Being. 

5. Sense the difference in the Body/Mind/Heart. 

Mind-body connection + awareness is a practice and like most behaviours we engage in, our degree of awareness is habitual. How can you start to cultivate presence in your every day life, despite the level of chaos and whirlwind pace? We must learn to prioritise spiritual sustenance: Nature Appreciation. love, connection, breathing, nurturing movement, high vibe foods, whole body listening and gratitude. I am confident that humans can choose to develop and increase their frequency, their ability to attune to themselves + others and therefore tap into their deeper self - healing potential: Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

Realising that presence is a skill is an incredibly empowering thought and opens the door to beautiful possibilities. xo

Stay connected + Keep it real.  

Attune

Crisp fresh air, beautifully coloured leaves and the crunch underneath my favourite boots, the potent warmth of the evening sun, long slow walks, wool, wool + more wool, the comfort of a warm drink, delicious hearty soups + cozy couch cuddles are a few of my favourite things throughout Autumn. Beyond these things and pumpkin spice everything, the season offers us a gentle, yet important reminder to remain balanced within ourselves before winter arrives. It is a time when we can venture inward to reflect and increase our personal awareness.  Consider the following lessons as you attune to Autumn.

1.     Balancing darkness with light – developing a greater understanding of the need to befriend our own inner darkness. While we move into a time of more rest and retreat, take time to reflect on your heart’s true feelings and desires. Instead of stuffing down, hiding, numbing, avoiding  or ignoring any hurt / pain, we take time to embrace its presence. Use the darkness as information to support you in creating a road map of healing and future direction. 

2.     Letting go – as leaves flutter off the trees we are reminded of the natural cycles (vinyasa) of life. Purge and relinquish all your negative thoughts, negative belief systems, your limitations, your expectations and allow the season of autumn to absorb them in order to purify your energy so that you can continue on your growth journey. Autumn is a time for letting go of all your burdens, doubts, grieving, and any emotions that limits your ability from moving on.

3.     Acknowledging impermanence – fall reminds us of the fleeting nature of all things + the importance of appreciation and gratitude. Living fully and truly cherishing the moments because nothing lasts forever.  Take time to honour yourself, those around you + all of your blessings. 

4.     Embracing uncertainty + trusting divine timing  - the unpredictability of the season offers opportunity to practice patience during the transformation and transition. Trusting divine timing means that certain pieces of the puzzle must first fall into place so the other parts can come to fruition.  The season can serve as evidence that peace of mind is within you and that you can feel serene even in the midst of uncertainty.

5. Power of Breath - The Lungs are the organs of respiration, responsible for supplying oxygenated blood to every organ of the body and eliminating the waste matter from the cells through our expiration. The word used for breathing in is “inspiration,” which is the main function of the Lung, both physically and spiritually. To be properly “inspired,” we must create space by getting the old stale air out, along with old, preconceived notions of reality. Let yourself take deep breaths, filling your lungs with air and then emptying them completely.  When all the leaves have been shed, we feel more deeply the crisp air. Air being symbolic of what is essential, what really matters in life.  Through inhalation and exhalation, we take in and release the world. 

Get grounded, move slower, observe more, connect deeper, breathe fuller.  

Say what?

Words can inspire and words can destroy. Choose yours well.

I have always been fascinated with words and more specifically the power and energy behind words.  They can captivate and control human emotion. The ways words are said reveal the condition of the heart and the status of the circumstance. When used positive intention, words have the power to change the world. Words are attached to the soul; they go from the page, our lips, their lips, and infuse into our being.

In yoga class I speak often to the philosophy of the practice and how I believe it is important to create relevant and realistic connections to these ancient theories and own modern worlds.  The five internal practices of observance, called Niyamas are traditionally used as guidelines to build inner strength and discipline. More specifically the Niyama: Shaucha comes to mind as I ponder the power of words. It is a central aim of many yogic techniques. The yogis discovered that impurities in both our external environment and our internal body adversely affect our state of mind. The practices of movement, breathe and meditation cleanse and purify the body and mind, as well as strengthens our capacity to maintain a stable, positive and loving state of being.

The work then is to consciously surround ourselves with a pure environment (free of toxins) this includes food, drink, friends, entertainment, home furnishings and transportation and the words you hear, see + think. Our goal is to limit or eliminate external impurities into our bodies or minds. The way that your life is currently going is a reflection upon the words that you have been consistently speaking.Take a time out to think about the words that you have been using to describe yourself or your current situation.  If your life isn’t what you truly desire and if you have been speaking negatively in regards to certain areas of your life then it is time to make a change. Check yourself before you wreck yourself!

Keep your words kind + true because a positively spoken word/phrase is a powerful affirmation or declaration that can replace any subconscious cues that have the potential to sabotage your success in any facet of your life. A declaration created just for you serves as a reminder of what is ultimately important for both your short and long-term goals. It provides a way to tie in who you are today that fulfills your future goals. Go through the following steps courtesy of my beautiful mentor Susan Conrad, founder of IGOLU. 

1. Look at one domain from your goals (i.e., personal, health, career).

2. Read your vision out loud.

3. Identify a goal you really want and are not sure you can have.

4. Identify what the reactive voice in your head says (i.e., “I don’t deserve it; it isn’t practical; I’ll never ___.”)

5. Experiment with active verbs such as: “I am.” “I allow.” “I choose.” “I give.” “I know.” Choose one that works for you and finish the sentence in a way that will remind you today of all that you are creating for your future.

6. Speak your declaration out loud and modify it until your body senses both relief and elation. 

Examples of powerful declarations might be: 

• I am a stand for the greatness within (all people).
• I am a loving listener.
• Beautiful, creative solutions fuel my freedom.
• I am grounded in choice, travel, and rich experiences.
• My intuition creates infinite possibility.
• My centre of positivity creates freedom
• My full emotional and physical presence brings me joy.
• I invest in experiences that build legacies.
• I am a living example of compassion, joy, and greatness.
• I am inspiration, satiation, and curiosity.

Keep it pure. xo 

No Hurry

'Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished' - Lao Tzu

All too often we allow ourselves to get swept up into a frantic way of existing. We feel rushed, anxious, overwhelmed and our nervous system is working overtime to find some kind of balance within our being.

This obsession to being 'busy' eventually gets the better of us physically, mentally, emotionally + spiritually if we don't choose to tune in. Going faster doesn’t necessarily equate with accomplishing more or doing it any better, nor does it define your worth as a human. In actual fact, the opposite is usually true. If you slow down, you are able to think more clearly, stay connected + act with purpose.

There is no quick fix for finding happiness (psst. you create it!) and certainly no magic wand to eliminate life's responsibility so instead, use your YES + NO wisely and in accordance with your heart. Recognize that becoming less stressed begins by changing your way of thinking. Notice your breath, get present to sensations/surroundings, move your body + experience yourself in Nature. Taking appropriate action, making decisions and shifting direction feels so much better when we do it from deep inside at our centre rather than being pushed and pulled from the outside.

Right now, I feel the need to step back + reconnect (and I don’t think I am alone). From so many of my conversations, I hear others around me are wanting the same thing. Summer has been busy, work is stressful and many of us are feeling the need to let go and recharge. So I encourage you to indulge in some much needed rest + relaxation. Welcome Autumn with open arms + see this change in the seasons as a way to slow down, reconnect and nourish your body + soul. And what better way to do that than a weekend escape in nature? 

You deserve a break, let us take good care of you --> bit.ly/nourishautumn

 

Who are you?

There is danger in disconnection. Disconnection is both the source and consequence of shame, fear and blaming. Insulting, judging others, labelling, stereotyping and raging are all forms of disconnection. These types of fear-based behaviours are fairly easy to recognise in yourself and in others. However, there is another form, one that is perhaps the most painful and confusing of all: it is the feeling of being disconnected from ourselves. As humans, we spend copious amounts of time and energy trying to be who we think others need us to be. We are so influenced by the thoughts and opinions of others that we lose our sense of grounding. We lose our authenticity. We begin to question: Who am I? 

The answer to that question is simple.

YOU are who YOU think you are.

Not what your spouse thinks, or your boss, family members, friends or neighbours.  

It is impossible to be real with all of these people though if you believe that who you are, is unworthy or flawed and you are ashamed of yourself. Difficult to show up when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin.  Tricky to stand for what we believe in when we are spending all of our energy trying to manage other people’s perceptions. Avoiding confrontation or fearing being disliked? You are not living your truth if you are simply telling those around you what you think they want to hear or acting out various roles and characters.

The 5 most common things that prevent us from exposing our authentic selves are judgement, fear, guilt, worry and doubt. Mistakes have and will continue to happen to and for E V E R Y single one of us. Those things we hide that make us feel we are different (heartbreak, loss, abuse, hurt, failure, etc.) are actually the most common threads that weave and connect us as people. Also, the bruises and wounds can and will heal and while that happens, we experience our biggest growth and change. As much as these events, moments, people and circumstances shape you and your life, the most important thing to remember is that everything after ‘I AM’ you create. You speak your future moment to moment. You can hear someone’s entire life if you listen closely to their ‘I AMs’.  How do you picture yourself?

I am not good at blah blah…

I am not able to do this, that or the other thing…

I am not going to have__________

I am not like so and so

You want to be physically fit, then stop telling yourself ‘ I am out of shape’. Want to make more money? Quit saying ‘I am broke’. I bet you crave and desire strong, connected relationships, then enough of the ‘ I am unlovable and I am always going to be alone’ bullshit. 

In the words of Marianne Williamson "Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudice and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking. As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The time is now, get out of the danger zone. Begin to shift your mind and rekindle your connection to self. If you need love and support in the process from a tribe that will cheer you on and help lift you up, come join Mark Groves and I on an adventure to Bali this November. 

Get fully aligned + clear on who you are as you experience…

- Human connection
- Supported in every area of your life
- Freedom from limiting beliefs, reactive + destructive patterns
- A bullsh*t free environment that encourages relaxation + so much play
- Tools to develop stronger boundaries, clarity of goals
- Strategies for efficient/successful communication
- Courage to be honest and joyful in your relationship to Self + others
- Soulful, life-long friendships

Ohhhhh, there's so much more...No one can predict all the magic that happens when amazing humans come together to align.

Take the leap. Find the courage. Leave the normal and the regular to explore the magical and extraordinary. To find out more + apply for your spot --> bit.ly/taketheleapbali

Plants + People

If you water a seed of peace in your mind, peace will grow. When the seeds of happiness in you are watered, you will become happy. When the seed of anger in you is watered, you will become angry. The seeds that are watered frequently are those that will grow strong

 Tich Nhat Hanh

Love is kind of like having house plants. 
We all know that by choosing to have living plants in our space it greatly benefits our mind, physical body + mood, can make us feel uplifted + generally more connected. Same same with love/relationships. Having a plant doesn’t work out that well though if you plonk it on a windowsill, walk away and hope for the best. You have to get your learning on when it comes to your wee little plant.  When you know how to better tend to the plant, you can ensure that it grows to be healthy. 
How much sunlight or shade is required? Do you need to water it everyday, once a week? Is this plant green foliage or will it flower? Will it outgrow the pot and expand its root system over time? Regular pruning is essential or optional? So many questions + potentially quite a bit of maintenance at times BUUUUT perhaps it’s  only a small price to pay for beautiful bits of Nature, some purified air + other goodness in your dwelling.

Love is not a thing, it is a verb. Just like the plants need your love, attention and care so do people in your life. Note that one of the most important relationships of all also will require your maintenance…NOOO this is not with your mum – it’s your relationship to your freakin’ self silly! If you do not know how someone needs to be loved, or if you lack awareness surrounding your own needs when it comes to love, you could be doing yourself and the other a real disservice.
One of my most favourite books that I believe every human on this planet could benefit from reading, is called The 5 love languages by Gary Chapman (take this quiz to find out yours. Trust me, it will save your life).  The underlying premise is that there are five ways in which people speak and understand emotional love. We have preferred + innate ways in which we communicate, give, receive and feel love. When another person is communicating and treating us in a way that is in alignment with our love language (mine is a combination of quality time + touch) then our ‘love tank’ gets filled which in turn affirms our value and the feeling of being loved and connected. 

Words of Affirmation - One of your deepest needs is the need to feel appreciated. Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouragement, kind and humble words are all ways to show love to you.

 Quality Time - You enjoy doing things TOGETHER! We aren’t talking about just sitting in front of the T.V. together but really giving each other undivided attention. This means looking at each other, talking to each other, sharing your life with your partner.

 Receiving Gifts - You are happy to receive things from your loved ones. They don’t have to be expensive. The gift is a symbol of “s/he cares about me” and “s/he thinks of me”.

 Acts of Service - For you, actions speak louder than words! You prefer your partner to do things for you such as cooking a meal, giving a massage, cleaning the room… You like your partner to initiate the acts of service and put efforts into doing them to show that s/he cares.

 Physical Touch - You love to receive a hug, a kiss, squeezes on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a touch of the face, and an arm around the waist... Touches can be 10 times as powerful and comforting as any words

Now, before we continue, a slight disclaimer…you are never FULLY responsible for another human beings happiness, nor can you FORCE them to feel loved. You can augment their life and provide the best possible environment for love and growth free from conscious abuse/harm. If you abuse, then you are responsible and it's just not cool.  If you think that putting a houseplant in a dark cupboard with no water or soil is OK then you need to seriously reconsider your choices in life and then go back to grade 10 science. The likelihood of goodness coming from that situation is minimal. Be a tall poppy, stand out and embrace the expansion of others, don’t tear them down.

Anyhow….we continue.

Lets say that your love language is words of affirmation.
If you are in a relationship where your partner knows that you require words of affirmation and they consistently share with you the things they adore about you or comment on things you are doing well in your life ex: ‘honey you looks so hot in those jeans’ ‘I really enjoyed that night out you planned and ps. you a minx in the sac’ – you will be feeling right as rain and absolutely smitten.

Alternatively, if your partner makes you dinner every night, washes your car and makes the bed (acts of service) you may appreciate all of those things but it may not resonate with you in your heart or support you in feeling loved. Things get lost in translation as though you are literally speaking a foreign language to one another.  All you really want is for them to express kindness through the spoken word.

How the hell does this continue to relate to houseplants?

This example above would be similar to a plant that requires full sunlight but gets put in part shade/part sun because the owner likes the look of it up on the bookshelf or maybe believes that it’s in the best spot based on the last plant they had up there that went bananas with overgrowth. This particular plant could potentially survive up on the shelf but it is unlikely to truly thrive if it is not cared for in the appropriate, unique way that it needs.

Working together and joining forces in love (and green thumbing) takes effort and inquiry. Have you ever stopped to think about whether or not you know how those around you like their serving of love? Do you truly believe you are being loved in ways that fuel you? Are you loving or being loved in ways that help you and them rise and grow? Or do you love them in the only way you know how, because that’s what you did the last time around or that’s the only way you have ever been shown (by parents, family, friends etc.) We are not wrong or bad for loving people in the way we want to be loved or how we have been taught. This is human condition and our default however, not overly sustainable.

It is actually really good to show people what we need yet often the issue is we do this unconsciously. The biggest and boldest growth occurs when we are aware, engaged and tending to the plants (oops, I mean people!) in a manner that creates an environment most suitable for them + us.  This may mean that you have to put a bit more effort into being physical if your partner is like me and craves cuddling, or perhaps consider leaving a note in the lunch you make them if they get off on service and affirmation. Heck, buying them a houseplant will rock their world if they dig gifts. We are all different little flowers in our own little eco systems. Certainly there are plants and flowers just like people, that are toxic next to one another no matter what you try to change in the external environment. If you have to bust out a wall to add a window for more light to shed in there may be a bigger problem that demands a bit too much work if you know what I mean! Keep that in mind always but choose to be the person that is actively observing, adapting, modifying + tuning into feedback. It will go a long way and can greatly contribute to many plants + people's ability to bloom and flourish.

Love is not a thing, it is a verb + You reap what you sow. xo 

It's all OK.

I'll admit that there have been moments in my life where I have felt that humanity has gone to absolute shit. This thought is based on fear and has shown up in situations when I have witnessed or learned of violence, hurt, sadness + ignorance.  I have often wanted to close down my heart, protect it, shield it and I've felt that the world was a bit too much for my sensitive soul. That being said, the beautiful bonus in all of the madness is that without the darkness we could not know the light. The hurt, anger, upset or confusion can either knock you down and keep you there, OR it can be redirected and focused in a different manner, as ammunition to rise up. 

In the deepest depth of my heart I do truly like to think + feel that humanity is actually going to be OK.  I believe this to be truth because whatever can be done can also be undone. With destruction come creation, with chaos comes order, with death- there shall be rebirth.  I choose to consciously acknowledge the good and I am determined to create experiences that enhance and elevate people's spirit and the vibration of this seemingly devastated planet. 

One of these said experiences was ‘Lucent’, a festival celebrating Light: Summer Solstice, the light in each of us + collectively as a community. For me, life is the art of connecting and it is quite fitting that the word Yoga literally translates to 'connection or union'. The actual experience of connection is a state of Yoga, a joyful + blissful, fulfilling experience.

Lucent family festival was intended to provide an opportunity for humans to enjoy ‘Yoga’, beyond the physical practice as we often know it [ok, it's true we did bend and move with a few flip dogs thrown in there] BUT what happened was we created the ultimate environment for connection. We created enormous value by combining conversation, coordination, trust, safe space, permission and exchange of ideas into a network of people who wanted to pay attention to one another.  Who wanted to feel presence with themselves and others. 

Before the event transpired, I wrote down words to describe how I wanted people to feel being a part of this magical event. They were:

Grounded // Presence // Free // Included // Wholehearted // Hopeful // Ignited

Judging by smiles on faces, constant laughter and pleas for more fun, I would say that together, we absolutely, 100% #Nailedit. 

What I recognized more than anything was the resounding sense of calm and peace that we cultivated and the sense of belonging. I think it was mainly because of the simple fact that people were offered space to BE themselves, fully, without the masks.  When you extend an invitation to people to rise up and be their best self, even for just a weekend, they become hungry, eager and long for more. Their energy shifts and they draw in more of what they want, not what they do not want.  They start to see that happiness is a choice that they get to make but it is largely influenced by factors such as people, activities, thoughts, nutrition and the physical + emotional environments around us. The choice is made moment to moment and we can lean into light and love or darkness and fear.

Pssst. S'mores + dancing under the moonlight will definitely help you to choose light and love. 

The weekend was a true blessing and I am so incredibly grateful to all who joined. Spending time together in Nature, camping, practicing yoga, connecting with breath, enjoying fire ceremony, walks through the forest, personal discovery and to watch adults and children alike jump on trampolines, giggle + play with every cell in their being lit up was such a blessing. 
Lucent is a potent example of what helps to restores my heart + gives me hope that humanity is OK. We got this, let’s stick together and be the light. 

Thank you.

I love you.

All of you. 

Made to love.

It continues to amaze me (gives me goosebumps in fact) what can happen within communities during times of need, trauma or crises. People instantly forget the every day pressures of life, the hustle and bustle, the stress and worry, and they immediately set out to create solution, calm, love and support.

Anything and everything can all of a sudden just stop and direction and focus shift. Funerals, natural disasters, illness, accidents and emergencies all summon gathering, networking and demonstrate authentic care + generosity.

I often wonder why we can conjure up the time (that is so often non existent) to be supportive to  and offer abundance of love, empathy and encouragement during these tragic situations but we so easily neglect to show up during life’s day to day interaction. 

Are we programmed to only know light when we see dark or does it need to take something bad to create something good? I don't believe so, I think we are inherently made to love + to collaborate versus compete. Unfortunately our fear, ego, pride + our bullshit stories can get the better of us if we aren't careful or conscious. 

Why do we wait?

We show increasing amounts of compassion when the elderly lady falls as she is crossing the road, yet we choose not to even show her a smile when we pass her on the street each day before work.

We go the extra distance to clear our work and social schedules making time to when a friend or partner is going through a difficult time or falls ill, yet we continue to put off spending time with them throughout our weeks because we choose not to make it a priority, convincing ourselves that there is ‘always next week’ and ‘EVERYONE is just so busy these days, so hard to coordinate’. Then we drift, further and further away. Isolated. Disconnected. Alone. 

We speak up when someone is physically injured or killed as a result of an act of racism however, we will refrain from saying anything when racial slurs, comments or jokes are made at a dinner party. 

We suddenly become concerned and passionate advocates about our environment when there is an oil spill and we begin to bark at large corporations for their carelessness. All the while, we throw our recyclables in the inappropriate bins without a second thought, litter our beaches and parks, idle our cars, and fill our homes with excessive amounts of ‘stuff’. When the ‘stuff’ gets old we are onto the next best thing and off to landfills it goes. What happens to it there is rarely our concern? Who knows, at least it is out of our garage right?

We rush to the side of the hospital bed, crying and filled with regret when our family members are ill and on their last breath, the word sorry being the only thing that can come out of our mouths; yet for 10 years no words were spoken because sorry was the word we needed out of their mouth.

Is it worth it?

We are human. We can get caught up in our own worlds, in our own opinions, concerned about being right, looking good, making enough money and so on. However, it seems that the reality is, we end up leading very superficially social lives filled with lavish things and souvenirs from far off places. Deep down, life can be lonely and as a collective we are all wanting the same thing -- ‘searching for ourselves’, the ‘meaning of life’ and to be happy + connected. Connection and relatedness are the building blocks to all those things we seek.  Two of the most fundamental needs of life are a sense of belonging and love + our deepest desires are often to be of help, to contribute and offer good to the world at large. We CAN accomplish this and FEEL this within our communities EVERYDAY, making it a practice to be open, engage, learn and share with our neighbours, friends and families. Make space, hold space and shift priority.

Choosing Love over Fear. 

Giving without receiving or expectation, smiling, acknowledging the good in others and authentically offering your gifts to your community can be quite simple, but create profound impact for you and others.  These things can be consciously done BEFORE the breakdowns, the fires, the floods or any other catastrophe.  Be real, show people who you are and how you feel. Be grateful to others for their contribution and  show love and forgiveness BEFORE the bad, sad and mad get the better of you.

I am so grateful to be a part of so many different communities across the globe. I trust and have faith in others around me, knowing that we need all of the same things, we are in it together.  By being connected to all of YOU I continue to tap into who I truly am as a human and gain clearer perspective + understanding about what my life is all about and what I can do for this world.

NAMASTE.